Byakuya And The Banana King
by Rukuya
Summary: Sequel To My Other Fic: Byakuya on Candy Mountain. This time, Rukia and Renji drag poor Byakuya to the Temple of the Banana King to return a magical amulet. CRACK FIC. NO FLAMING. R&R!


**Title: Byakuya and The Banana King**

**Summary: Okay, This is basically "Charlie The Unicorn 2" only Bleach style. I did this with the first "Charlie The Unicorn" and so I thought it would be fun to do the second. Yeah, I couldn't think of a better title for this. Keep in mind that this is a crack fic. So I don't want any flaming! The flames will be used to help Mrs.Lovett make meat pies...So that's basically the best summary I could think of. So...Have fun with the Crack Fic ahead! And Also "Beaky" Is my Nick-name for Byakuya.**

**I Do ****NOT own Bleach or Charlie The Unicorn. I wish I did though, but then again...Don't we all?**

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(In A Field)

Byakuya: (sitting down on a blanket watching a television)

(Renji and Rukia are floating in mid-air with scuba gear on)

Rukia: Glub Glub. Glub Glub. Glub Glub.

Renji: (breathing into the scuba gear part that helps you breath) Glub Glub.

Rukia: Look over there. It's a coral reef...

Byakuya: (sees Rukia and Renji) Oh, look it's you guys...and you're floating...

Rukia: Byakuya, we're scuba diving, Byakuya.

Renji: We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue.

Rukia: Oh no! It's a school of poisonous Foogu fish.

Renji: Noooo Foogu!

Byakuya: (sarcastic) Ah, you gotta watch out for those, so uh...Go away I'm watching TV.

(Byakuya continues to watch Tv, when suddenly a vortex of some sort opens on his back.)

Rukia: The vortex has opened...

Byakuya: (is freaked out) Oh God, Okay, what is this!?

(Rukia and Renji start being pulled into the vortex)

Rukia: Byakuya, we're being pulled into the vortex...

Renji: Swim away, Foogu fish. Swim away.

Byakuya: (still freaked out) Come on now you guys are freaking me out. Turn this thing off!

(Rukia and Renji are still being pulled intoto the vortex)

Rukia: There's no stopping the vortex, Byakuya...

Renji: Fooguuuuuuu!

(Rukia and Renji dissapear into the vortex on Byakuya's back)

Byakuya: ...Guys? Guys?...Or girls...I know Rukia's a chick, but I'm still not to sure about Renji...I'm not really sure what you two are.

Rukia: (suddenly pops her head out of the vortex on Byakuya's back, and she's holding an amulet of some sort.) Byakuya! Byakuya, I have the amulet!

Byakuya: (looks at Rukia strangely) What? What amulet!? What's going on!?

Rukia: The Amulet, Byakuya! The magical amulet! Sparkle! Sparkle!

(Renji pops his head out of the vortex)

Renji: Sparkle! (Goes back into the vortex)

Byakuya: I don't understand what you're talking about!

Rukia: The amuletttttt.

(Rukia dissapears back into the vortex, then moments later her and Renji pop out of the vortex, escaping it.)

Rukia: (wearing the amulet around her neck) We did it!

Renji: We got the amulet!

Byakuya: (in a semi-angry/sarcastic voice) Grrreat! Now go away! I'm tired of the horrible things that happen when you're around!

Rukia: No, Byakuya...

Renji: Noooo...

(Rukia and Renji suddenly grow big and poofy but instantly return to normal...yeah, horrible things...)

Byakuya: (has that WTF look on his face)

Rukia: We have to take the amulet to the Banana King.

Byakuya: (sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, The Banana King...of course. (angry voice) Absolutely not!

Renji: He's counting on us Byakuyaaaaa...(begins to float)

Rukia: If we don't get the amulet to the Banana King the vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness...

Renji: (floating) Noooooo! Darknessssss...

(The vortex on Byakuya's back reopens and weird tentacle things show themselves; freaking Byakuya out, then dissapear back into the vortex as it closes.)

Byakuya: Ah, alright! Fine! I'll go, I'll go!

Renji and Rukia: Yayyyyyy...

Renji: Darknessssssssss!

(In the Forest)

(Rukia and Renji are walking with Byakuya following them)

Renji: (Makes a weird noise using his tongue)

Rukia: (Makes the weird noise after Renji)

Renji: (Replies to Rukia with the same noise)

(Byakuya has the WTF look on his face again as Renji and Rukia continue with the weird noise.)

Byakuya: What are you two doing?

Rukia: (Makes the weird noise again)

Renji: (Does the weird noise after Rukia)

Byakuya: (Getting Irritated) Stop that.

(Rukia makes the noise one more time.)

(They stop their walking in front of a giant letter "Z")(...Wtf)

Byakuya: Oh, Look at that...

Rukia and Renji: ZZZZZZZZ!!

Rukia: El hombre con el sombrero nos envoi.

Renji: El nos dijo muchas historias asombrosas.

(The letter "Z" starts to flash along with making some weird sounds)

Rukia and Renji: Oh, Ho Ho Ho Ho! (This is supposed to be laughter...)

Byakuya: ...What?

Renji: Esta noche nosotros cenamos Tortugas.

Rukia: Así que bueno, ellos serán.

(The "Z" Flases a red light at Byakuya, blinding him for a second, then he returns to normal)

Byakuya: Ah! What did you to do!?

Renji and Rukia: ZZZZZZZ!!

Rukia: Soy Feliz.

(The "Z" flashes dimly again making the weird noise)

Renji and Rukia: Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho! (They continue to walk, passing the letter)

(The "Z" Turns Red)

Byakuya: (Is obviously freaked out by what just happened) Just keep walking, Byakuya. Just keep walking...

(Byakuya finds Rukia and Renji standing in front of a huge sneaker.)

Rukia: Hop on board the train, Byakuya.

Renji: It's going to take us to the Banana King.

Byakuya: I don't see any train. All I see is a giant sneaker.

Rukia: It's the Choo Choo Shoe, Byakuya.

Renji: Choo Choo Shoe.

Rukia: Hurry Byakuya, It's about to It's about to leave.

Renji and Rukia: Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe! Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe!

Byakuya: (Get the WTF face again)

(Renji and Rukia are sitting in the shoe now, continuing the chanting.)

Byakuya: ...

(Renji and Rukia continue chanting)

Byakuya: (starts walking past them and the shoe) (sarcastic) Yeah, I forgot my boarding pass. I'll just walk.

(At a Temple)

Renji: We're here, Byakuya!

Rukia: The Temple of the Banana King!

Byakuya: Great...Lets leave the amulet, and go home.

(Yamamoto randomly comes out from the ground, wearing a santa hat)

Byakuya: (See's Yamamoto and gets freaked out) Who is that!?

(Rukia and Renji don't reply. They just stand there smiling.)

Byakuya: No, no really. You guys see it, right? I gotta be honest, I'm getting really creeped out here. Somebody say something!

(Music Starts) (A/N: This is where my nick-name for Byakuya comes in. I'ts "Beaky" by the way.)

Yamamoto: (Begins to sing) Beaky, you look quite down. With your big fat eyes, and your big fat frown. The world doesn't have to be so greyyyy!

(He begins to float and the location changes to this weird white floor with random pink flashing tiles. There are also bananas all around. And Rukia and Renji dissapered when the location changed so it's just Byakuya and Yamamoto.)

Yamamoto: (singing) Beaky, When your life's a mess. When you're feeling blue. Always in distress. I know what can wash that sad awayyyyy!

Byakuya: (Has the WTF face)

Yamamoto: (singing) All you have to do is...Put a banana in your ear!

(As he sings weird little banana creatures with stick-like arms and legs appear on Byakuya's back smiling.)

Byakuya: (weirded out) A banana in my ear?

Yamamoto: (singing) Put a ripe banana right in your favorite ear! It's true!

Byakuya: (Irritated) Say's who?

Yamamoto: (singing) So True. Once it's in, your blues will dissapearrrr!

Byakuya: (Has an angry look on his face as he sees the little banana creatures floating and smiling randomly)

Yamamoto: (singing) The bad in the world is hard to hear, when in your ear a banana cheers! So go and put a banana in your ear!

(Rukia and Renji float into view and sing along.)

Yamamoto, Renji, and Rukia: Put a banana in your ear!

Byakuya: I'd rather keep my ear clear!

Yamamoto: (singing) You will never be happy, if you live your life in fearrr! It's true!

Byakuya: Says you.

Yamamoto: (singing) So true. When it's in, the skies are bright and clear! Of every day of every year! The sun shines bright, in this big blue sphere! So go and put a banana in your earrrrrrrrr!

(As Yamamoto continues the background turns back to the Temple with Renji and Rukia standing as they were before the song outburst.)

Yamamoto: (ends song and dissapears)

Byakuya: Of course...it dissapears...

Rukia: Go forth magical amulet. Return to the Banana King.

(The Amulet leaves Rukia's neck and is floating in mid-air in front of them and shines a light onto Byakuya)

Rukia: Byakuya, you're the Bonana King.

(Byakuya starts floating)

Byakuya: What? Hey! Hey, hold on a minute!

(The Banana Creatures return.)

Banana: You're the Bonana King, Byakuya!

Byakuya: No! No I'm not! That doesn't even make sense!

Rukia: All hail the Banana King...

Byakuya: I'm not the Banana King!

Rukia: You are the Banana King.

Byakuya: No! No, I'm...I'm

( He a crown randomly appears and lands on Byakuya's head)

Banana: Banana, banana, banana, banana, banana.

Byakuya: I...I am the Banana King...

Rukia and Renji: Yayyyy!

Banana: You are the Bonana King.

Byakuya: I'm the Banana King. Yeah.

(Byakuya notices the Banana creatures dissapeared along with Rukia and Renji. He is now alone, floating in mid-air.)

Byakuya: Hey, hey. Where'd you go? Guys? Hellooo? Get me down from here! (falls on his back) Gah! Okay, that's gonna sprain...

(In the Forest)

Byakuya: (walking back towards the Field trying to find Rukia and Renji) Hello? Hellooo?

(In The Field)

Byakuya: (is walking) Guys? Where are you? (Is back where he was in the beginning and notices the TV, Blanket, and everything else of his is gone.) (Is now Angry) Ah! You gotta be! Great! They robbed me!

Rukia: (Pops her head randomly out of the vortex on Byakuya's back) Byakuyaaaaa...

Byakuya: (Angry voice) What!? What do you want!?

Rukia: ...(Makes the weird noise with her tongue then instantly dissapears back into the vortex)

END ONE-SHOT

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**Yeah...I just had to do it, alright! I couldn't help it! Soooo...Yeah.**

**Also, If you didn't get the joke about Byakuya wondering if Renji was a chick. Go watch my video titled "Truth or Dare: Bleach Style" And you'll understand why.**

**I also translated what Rukia and Renji were saying during the "Z" scene...and it was...strange...So yeah.**

**Also, If you read any of my other fics. Sorry I haven't updated them. I haven't had the time. My school is doing those state tests and it's really leaving me tired when I get home. And my PSP got bricked so I was like an empty shell for 3 days until one of my friends Un-Bricked it for me. So Yeah.**

**Read and Review!**

**NO FLAMING!!**


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